Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
