We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
