I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
