I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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