I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Too much gin, very little bucket
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
