Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
