I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
