His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
