I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
