i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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