SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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