every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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