that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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