My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
