Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
