Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
