I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
