so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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