I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
