Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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