On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
