there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
