im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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