i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
