Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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