Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
