You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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