The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
