Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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