i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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