I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
