Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
