Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
