After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
