I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
