After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I party with great urgency now.
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