i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
