Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
