It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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