as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
