and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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