im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
