she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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