Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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