I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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