Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
