around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
