Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
