I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
