Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
