if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
