I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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