Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
