Christians are straight up FREAKS
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
